monologue

2011-07-02T23:41:00.002+07:00

crumbled paper can never be smooth again.
so this is it. enough said.

This Is It

2011-06-30T21:24:00.001+07:00

This is the part where
No one understands
Only dividing right from wrong
Like a body with different souls

This is the part where
I stood alone
With thousands of staring judgements
and the sound of whispering doubts

This is the part where
alone I can only hang on
To the remaining skeletons
Driven by a hope for a better day

Smoke

2011-02-02T13:33:00.001+07:00

you're blowing smoke in my eyes
blurring vision and sights
bright eyes and teasing grin
a past seeping in

I've had breathless morning
waking up to reality
a trust for you is daunting
unless you'd give me clarity

2011-01-28T06:42:00.001+07:00

there really is a very thin blur line
between
giving time and space
and
not bothering to stand by

Gelembung Lelah

2011-01-11T18:20:00.000+07:00

Hari ini lelah rasanya
Tiba-tiba rasanya ada di bawah
Dilewati jejak jejak kaki
Tiba-tiba rasanya sendirian

Biasanya menyenangkan rasanya
Sendirian di keramaian
Tapi kali ini berbeda
Rasanya sungguh sendirian

Pertanyaannya,
Mereka di dalam satu gelembung besar
Atau diri ini yang dalam satu gelembung besar

Dear God,

2010-12-20T22:17:00.001+07:00

Give us clarity in mind,
to have decisions that would not hurt no heart
Give us a wide open heart,
to accept weakness and heartbreaks
Give us a clear head,
to see what's ahead you've prepared for us

For the life you gave is always beautiful
For the love is always abundant

Amen.

Siapakah?

2010-10-14T23:08:00.001+07:00

Siapakah yang berkata,
Belahan jiwamu adalah cintamu
Siapakah yang berkata,
Cintamu haruslah belahan jiwamu
Siapakah yang berkata,
Dengan cintamu lah kamu harus bercinta
Siapakah yang berkata
Dengan belahan jiwamu lah kamu tak perlu bersatu
Siapakah yang berkata,
Belahan jiwamu lah yang patut kau cintai

Apakah semua itu cuma dalih?
Karena kau tak yakin dengan cintamu?
Karena sesungguhnya kau hanya ingin cintai jiwamu sendiri?
Siapakah yang ingin kamu coba yakinkan?
Dirimu? Dirinya?
Cintamu? Cintanya?
Lubuk jauh jiwamukah?
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Keep Going Straight

2010-08-30T13:23:00.001+07:00

I walk down a road
I stayed on the left lane
'Cause I wanted to turn left
Unfortunately it's forbidden to turn left

So I go on straight
Hoping for the next turn
Suddenly I saw another left turn
But I was on the right lane

So I go on straight again
Arrived on t-section
I could go left now
But it's a one way road

So I go on straight again
Arrived on another t-section
I really could go left now
But my car broke down

I guess I'll wait
And keep on going straight
:)

Memories

2010-08-26T20:10:00.001+07:00

I hope I'm not a part of your past
You've chosen to move on from
But if that is what I deserve
Then I'll disappear as you wish

I will kept locked in your memory box
Together with good memories
Cause I know that's the one you keep
When you burried me

2010-08-16T10:15:00.001+07:00

Ya Tuhan,
Lindungi dia selalu
Berikan dia ketabahan
Yang seluruhnya utuh
Berikan dia kekuatan
Yang seluruhnya utuh
daripada-Mu

Ya Tuhan,
Lindungilah aku selalu
Berikan aku keikhlasan
Yang seluruhnya utuh
Berikan aku kekuatan
Yang seluruhnya utuh
daripada-Mu

Do You Ever?

2010-08-16T00:21:00.000+07:00

Do you ever realize?
Do you really ever realize?
Everytime you say,
I wasn't there for you,
I was crushed to the bottom of my heart,
And I wished I could be where you are?

Do you ever realize?
Do you really ever realize?
Everytime you say,
I couldn't understand you,
I have tried and still am trying to,
And I wished you shouldn't have to get through what you've been?

Please would you see me?

2010-08-04T20:36:00.001+07:00

Kemarin kau bilang ya
Hari ini kau bilang jangan gegabah
Besok kau bilang apa?

Kau seperti roda
Terus berputar
Tak punya atas
Tak punya bawah

Untung saja
Aku masih di daratan yang sama
Belum naik pesawat
Kau masih di sana

Kemarin yakin
Sekarang tidak
Tak ada atas
Tak ada bawah

Graduation

2010-07-15T00:49:00.001+07:00

We were together when we wrote our first page
The first day of those very years
Today you finish your chapter earllier
But I still got few more pages to go

I see you got a new shoe
Completes the proud above your head
A new destiny in your hands
And a dream right beside

Go and get your dream
And never stop believing
Cause the world won't stop running
And neither will you

I'll see you at the end of the rainbow
I'll see you in a greater year
Where the sky is blue
'Til we meet again
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Harapan Akan Hari Ini

2010-07-11T22:51:00.001+07:00

Suatu saat
Itu nanti
Tapi juga
Hari ini

Dulu kata berucap
Larilah
Dan lihatlah nanti

Hanya ada harapan
Tak ada jaminan
Tetapi pun aku berlari

Aku berlari
Tak peduli
Aku berlari
Bersama harapan
Dan sebuah senyuman

Suatu saat
Itu hari ini
Hari tanpa janji
Di atas pijakan
Yang awalnya tak pasti

Sesungguhnya dulu
Kau hanya tak percaya
Namun dengan harapan
Kau tetap berakhir dengan senyuman
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Mimpi

2010-01-10T23:59:00.001+07:00

Ah, sedih juga rasanya ternyata
mengetahui bahwa selama ini saya bertepuk sebelah tangan
Mimpi itu saya kira akan sangat menyenangkan bila dilakukan bersama
Ternyata saya sungguh bermimpi

Ya, rasanya sayalah leluconnya

Tapi, mungkin ini saatnya saya meraih mimpi saya sendiri
Atau, mencari teman mimpi yang lain

:)
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2009-10-04T09:28:00.000+07:00

I need to be needed.

2009-10-03T07:52:00.001+07:00

sometimes i cannot accept the concept of being a grown up

it hurts, too much.

if it really is as it is

i don't want to grow up

terlalu banyak amarah

2009-10-01T10:37:00.000+07:00

berkali-kali tarikan nafas jadi abu

berkali-kali sedih

berkali-kali kata maafmu

berkali-kali kucoba mengerti

berkali-kali kauulangi lagi

dan akhirnya aku yang meminta maaf

dunia tidak adil.

abu dan awan kelabuku

2009-09-30T23:19:00.000+07:00

kukira awan kelabu hari ini tak ada artinya
ternyata dia lagi-lagi memberi makna hari
sesekali kesedihan datang

biarlah, kini tinggal abu
biarlah kalau itu buatmu bahagia
biarlah, aku berteman lagi dengan awan kelabu
biarlah waktu yang menjawab

2009-09-18T15:12:00.000+07:00

i feel like i don't know you

Another Wonder

2009-09-06T09:16:00.002+07:00

when people talk to me

they often said

"he really loves you, do you know?"

and it made me feel like I haven't been loving you enough

when people talk to you

did they often say

"she really loves you, do you know?"?

and I wonder, how does it made you feel...

Did she does something wrong?

2009-08-29T11:35:00.000+07:00

then he told her, "I don't want you to stay up and accompanying me doing my work, cause I don't want you to expect that I would do the same for you later.."

A Conversation with The Situation

2009-07-05T14:06:00.002+07:00

the mind: "I am so mad"

the situation: "..."

the mind: "I feel helpless"

the situation: "..."

the mind: "can't you just say a damn thing to make me feel alright?"

the situation: "..."

the mind: "I hate you.."

remind me

2009-05-30T06:47:00.001+07:00

please?

cause I always forget that you care less

all the fault

2009-05-23T18:19:00.002+07:00

i should say because you can't understand

but i shouldn't publish cause it cause lit your anger

i should talk because you said i never talk

but i shouldn't share cause other's shouldn't bother

(untitled)

2009-05-08T01:32:00.001+07:00

you told me i should not look down at my self

look who's creating a reason now?

2009-04-06T23:08:00.003+07:00

aku ingin menghanyutkan diri
dalam arus dan deraian sepi
satu tarikan napas saja seperti siksaan
hingga ingin rasanya berhenti bernafas

semua yang indah sudah lari bersama angin
lariku masih tak dapat mengejarnya
setiap tarikan nafasku hanya untuk mengejarnya
tetapi rasanya gelap mencekam
menekanku hingga sesak nafas

(untitled)

2009-03-31T00:08:00.001+07:00

I love you too much, I am hurting myself

never enough

2009-03-17T19:49:00.002+07:00

I grew this feeling
of shame and dissappointment
on myself
everytime I see you smile
when I am not on your side

Could I ever saw that smile when I am on your side?

I grew this feeling
of guilt and stupidity
on myself
everytime I couldn't catch up
with what you are excited about

could I ever keep up with you?

I always ask why, do you?

2009-01-30T23:03:00.002+07:00

why do I always get this feeling of being useless,
left behind,
forgotten

everytime you're not around?

do you feel the same way?

A Note to The Sky

2008-12-30T19:56:00.001+07:00

that noon, she was walking home alone
suddenly she stopped
she decided to greet the sky

you look pale
is that a way to show that you understand me,
or is it just how you feel?
are you trying to cooperate with me?

the sky didn't answer

you look grey
but hey, why hasn't the rain fall down
i don't mind a company
i can't stand to shed these tears alone, anyway

then the rain fall

oh, thank you dear..

music: The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

Falling For A Heartbreak

2008-12-25T00:41:00.006+07:00

flickr.com

one day I went to the park
saw this guy with a rock and roll vibe

I quickly fall for him

then as quick as our eyes met
there goes my heartbreak

that one day happens everyday
I fall over and again, I fall for a heartbreak
I don't think I've found the one
That'll pick me up to be whole again

so then I tell on my bestfriend
the one who's always been there
he said everything's gonna be okay
the time hasn't arrive, just yet

he's the only one who standstill
whenever I go uncertain
oh, can I ask for just one thing?
don't give up on me, just yet

a conversation

2008-12-23T23:04:00.003+07:00

a conversation with you is always like losing a war
where I say things that are never right
end me up wearing my suit of defense

it's like joining a war
in which you already won
and I still try to fight against

and of course you win again
no matter how I could be right
I'll always lose

pardon my bad grammar

Mystery

2008-11-19T23:43:00.000+07:00

what do you want from me?
oh, man of mystery
quit playing games with me
you drag me into misery
'cause one day you're here and one day you're away
i only hope one day your smile shall stay

i realize that one day you were in my dream
posing a smile I've never seen
I woke up and feel gravity
where are you in reality?

what do you want from me?
oh, man of mystery
quit playing games with me
lead me to how I should feel

Dewasa

2008-11-09T01:39:00.002+07:00

Kita ini sudah dewasa,
atau sebenarnya hanya pura-pura dewasa?

terkadang dua hal ini ambigu dalam hidup saya

Being A Grown Up

have we grown up,
or did we just pretend to be one?

sometimes, these things confuses me

saya dan dia

2008-10-10T16:51:00.004+07:00

dia sedang mati-matian berjuang
dan dia bilang, orang-orang lain hanya bisa berbicara
berkoar-koar tanpa ada perbuatan
saya sendiri diam, tidak berbicara, tidak berbuat
tidak terjun dalam perjuangannya

jangan bilang saya bukan kaum-nya
karena tidak berjuang seperti dia dan kaum-nya
saya punya perjuangan saya sendiri, perjuangan yang kecil
yang untuk saya, butuh hati yang penuh --yang belum saya dapatkan--
bukan setengah hati, tiga perempat, bahkan sembilan puluh sembilan perseratus

perjuangannya kasat mata, tanggung jawab besar, untuk yang banyak
perjuangan saya lebih untuk diri saya sendiri, (mungkin) jelas tidak ada apa-apanya
sehingga mungkin 'derajat' saya tidak setinggi dia --saya sadari itu
tetapi sesungguhnya memang ada derajat itu?

dia dengan perjuangannya
saya dengan perjuangan saya
biar saya dan dia berbeda perjuangan,
tetapi saya dan dia sama-sama berjuang dengan hati

a piece of yesterday

2008-09-25T23:48:00.004+07:00

cuma sepenggal kisah kemarin.. menemukannya teronggok di notes smartphone.. so here it is, for yesterday's history shaping a stronger me.. hahaha..mengenang masa lalu itu menyenangkan hahaha..

"i wish you could just hear what my heart has to say
it screams and you never took a chance to hear
silently i whisper and you went deaf
loudly i scream and you walk away
alone i feel and you came back
it's your ambiguous act getting me mislead
i need an ending to this endless feeling
but i don't know how
i couldn't keep on holding on, though i would
cause it's a small world after all
and everywhere i run
i'll run to you again"

hahaha

2008-08-03T15:09:00.000+07:00

why do you have to give me that stare?

do you think it could make me think twice,

and go back to times where it melted me?

now i don't care if you won't ever know how i felt

i am sorry sir..

i am not going back

her story

2008-07-21T07:49:00.000+07:00

it's a yesterday history

one that hurts

yet still gave sweet memories

let it be a history

one that made me smile

one that made me stronger

let it be a just a history

not a forgotten memories

because it wasn't a foolish decision

it was part of a journey

pahit

2008-07-19T15:52:00.002+07:00

it is called letting go

and it's not as easy as i thought

well, for some reason i don't know what

the thing called loving you, it's nothing at all

but for other reason

the same thing called loving you, it's everything

and both,

kind of hurt

when i said i am letting go, and letting go was never so easy

2008-06-09T03:49:00.000+07:00

well perhaps i haven't been tough enough

to keep my words

well you haven't trust me enough

when i said i am letting go

i wouldn't put the blame on anybody

cause in the end i hold the key

and now i am throwing it away

i am letting him go

it somehow hurts

though he was nobody

but it would be better this way

as

2008-03-18T18:31:00.000+07:00

..days go by..

I fell deeper..

and you went further away..

I'm shadowed with others perfection
I'm nothing you could see

I should just move on,shouldn't I?

my song list is a love song list haha

2007-07-01T01:28:00.002+07:00

ditemukan di Bulletin Board Friendster.. hihi.. try this one..

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song
that's playing
5. When you go to a new question,
press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're
cool.... because your not!

Opening Credits:
Shining Light - Ash *emm.. cukup baik.. dengan lagu ini so in love sekali sepertinya hidupnya.. hahah..*

Waking Up:
If You're Not The One - Daniel Beddingfield *loh kok pagi-pagi kelewat mellow?*

First Day At School:
You I'm Thinking Of - Relish *ya mungkin hidup saya judulnya Terjun Cinta, jatuh udah ga jaman kalo lagunya beginian...*

Falling In Love:
We Are Your Friends - Justice vs. Simian *sesungguhnya agak gak nyambung.. yaa.. mungkin saya punya teman banyak ceritanya di filmnya..*

Fight Song:
Love You Lately - Daniel Powter *mungkin ini fightnya gejolak batin.. hahah...*

Breaking Up:
Puisi #12 - 9 Matahari *mmm... mungkin dia takkan pernah ada...huhu...*

Prom/Dance:
D.A.N.C.E - Justice *YOOOI!!!! dance song banget kan?? heheh.. pas boo....*

Life's OK:
Iris- Goo Goo Dolls *errr... yea.. you got the picture..enggak ya?*

Mental Breakdown:
Chasing Car - Snow Patrol *save me? butuh penyelamat..*

Flashback:
Signal Fire - Snow Patrol *you are my signal fire.. sadar gue ceritanya abis berantem..*

Getting Back Together:
For You I Will - Teddy Geiger *hahah... cieh.. demi kau cintaku...*

Wedding:
Only Hope - Swithcfoot *found the only hope I think..*

Birth of Child:
Summer Parade - Depapepe *gembira dan instrumental.. cocok buat bayi...*

Final Battle:
Kiss Me (cover version) - Avril Lavigne *okay.. this is soo weird.. hahah... slow motion battle keknya..*

Death Scene:
Over My Head - The Fray *err.. well someone perhaps forgot about me..*

Funeral Song:
run to me - oscar de la hoya *sedih. (lah apa?)*

End Credits:
Opening Theme of Doraemon *soalnya abis film gue, diputer Doraemon keknya..*

kocak.. tapi aneh.. tapi bagus juga... hahah.. berhubung stok lagu gua kehapus (cuma 9 GB sih.. HUAAA...) jadi cuma ada lagu-lagu hasil bluetooth dari HP orang-orang.. dan download-an barudeh.. heheh. tapi oke juga kan? coba deh.. heheh.. then share me, perhaps?

over whelmed

2007-06-16T23:49:00.001+07:00

untuk saya sendiri..
terkadang, mengejar kebahagiaan sendiri memang tidak penting.
apalagi ada orang lain yang rasanya lebih layak.
dan juga, rasanya egois.
tetapi..
kenapa kebahagiaan ini rasanya tidak penuh?

untuk beberapa orang lagi...
lalu...
memang, berapa juta detik yang sudah lewat
tanpa bersama kalian..
tetapi, sejauh itukah duniaku dengan dunia kalian?

untuk beberapa beberapa-orang-lagi...
you really don't know me yet.
and i think that goes the other way round.
well...
if you think i have gone beyond the limit, just say it to my face! dammit!
i take it hard, but i'll take it!

haha. hear me blab.

is there such luck?

2006-10-27T03:52:00.000+07:00

fallover and allover again.

any luck this time?

i sucked

2006-03-05T22:03:00.000+07:00

i fell to the wrong
and i lived knowing that

don't I?

-

2006-02-25T21:14:00.000+07:00

habis sudah.

the end.

about one thing

2006-02-24T12:45:00.000+07:00

you turn my world upside down, sucka!
you -what i can't have-.
22.02.06

---

logically crazy, but it could be right.
insanely unidentified, but practically just there.
it's just wrong, dear.
22.02.06

---

today, i won't let any of that penetrate my brain.

-

ah, today.
first, it was what i thought it would be.
and as i predicted, it's the fall down of the super logic.
23.02.06
---

once again logics are the super.
creates an undevined separation of mind and heart.
this is meant to be dead, before it could be alive.

mr. logically-okay,
would you please take the control?

it's okay in this case.
it's -what i thought- the right thing.
do you mind bail me out this time?
23.02.06

---

it sucked my brain.
and just like the fungus with the resistance of any thing, it stays.
and then, it passes my dream.
now, i wouldn't know what would tomorrow bring.
23.02.06

blessed

2006-02-23T23:15:00.000+07:00

i am blessed with euphoria days,
goegeous hours,
glorious minutes,
until the ticks of every second.
it's a joy to wipe the sadness,
to bring up every smile i can make.
i hope this much lasts,
for i can go through every tomorrows.

siap meledak.

2005-09-14T21:06:00.000+07:00

saya benci.benci.kalau dipanggil cowok.
karena saya bukan.
kalau cara berjalan saya memang seperti kaum mereka, lalu kenapa?
toh, cuma masalah kebiasaan.
kalau masalah gaya?
itu juga kebiasaan. dan masalah kenyamanan.

jadi, berhenti.

saya benci.benci.kalau tidak bisa mencapai yang seharusnya saya bisa.
kalau orang lain bisa, kenapa saya tidak?
terkesan tidak puas. tapi sebenarnya hanya ingin berusaha.

jadi,..

beralih fungsi. tidak apa ya. cerita sedikit.

2005-09-05T19:44:00.000+07:00

satu.
kesal.
merasa diperalat.
diperbudak keegoisan.
kalau jalan sudah buntu, tidak mau cari jalan lain?

dua.
takut.
hasil akhir, kita tidak pernah tahu.
kalau tidak sesuai,
lantas dibilang mengecewakan, menyianyiakan.
beban.
ilmu bisa jadi sia-sia?

tiga.
rindu.
sangat.
macam-macam.

i'll be fine.

I Need To Confess

2005-08-16T16:17:00.000+07:00

if I could confess this to you
I can't stand you
cause you're not here
for me.

screw life.

Letting Go Love That Don't Belong

2005-08-15T16:02:00.000+07:00

I let my weakness
be the force of letting go.
It becomes my runaway
from my feelings for you.
It becomes the blame
when it's not.
I let my self lose
in this game of love
cause I won't win
and I am the loser.
I'm no super to compare
(that's why I hold back)
even if I had,
it would be an absence
(cause you see another in someother)
even if you cared to look.
Then, between us is only nothing
except with a laughter
the laughter in my memories
not yours.
It just left aches
and deep holes
punching in me.

So once again I runaway,
from the love that don't belong.

15.08.05

My Good-bye

2005-04-03T23:52:00.000+07:00

the thought of your existance
flies the butterfly in my stomach
turns my head around, makes my world upside-down
it's all it began

the thought of my lost of you and about my stupidity
for letting my head taken over everything
keeps me, no, makes me dying

the thought of putting you away
could wash my tears away
even without saying what i need to say
ends my journey

so this is it.

my good-bye

OH NO.

2005-04-03T23:48:00.000+07:00

i watched you from a far.
you catched my eyes.
well, at that time. that's about it.

now.
it crumbled.
i not only watch you from a far.
i see you in my eyes.
i could die, just to look at you.

OH NO.
am i in love with you?

Hypocrite

2004-12-09T22:41:00.000+07:00

anger raging up to my face
all the jealousy running around in my head
all I want is to be superior

all people under me
all I do is right
all I do is the best

oh, how evil sucks in?

About You And Me

2004-11-25T23:12:00.000+07:00

There's supposed to be you and me
but destiny arrived sooner
and my dream was all a waste

my affections are still
but our destiny has end.

how can still it grow?

no, it couldn't.

like a flower, it died
when the love from the owner is taken
like my love, it died
when your love has been taken.

there was supposed to be you and me
but it never did.

God's Work

2004-11-07T21:35:00.000+07:00

God dragged him away from me.
I chased him.

God tried not to make me sad.
I made myself cry.

am i that evil?

2004-10-27T16:45:00.000+07:00

i wish i could just burst in tears.
in deep sadness, beneath the dark clouds.

but i just couldn't.

i wish i could reveal all this thing.
not in words of my hand,
but with the authority of my tounge.

but yes, i couldn't.

i questioned,
what such sin i had made that made me deserve to suffer
like i just should be dead?

am i that evil?

untitled

2004-10-14T23:14:00.000+07:00

loneliness up in my head.
as I can't think, well I don't live.
my strength has gone just fade away.
but I'm still gere..

untitled

2004-10-10T17:01:00.000+07:00

well, it's almost everyday,
I told myself that I no longer love you.
and it's almost everyday,
I lied to myself,
that the fact is I still love you..

denials.denials.

2004-09-14T17:11:00.001+07:00

how such denial echoes in my head.
it's like heart has lose control,
and mind has taken over.
heart didn't do what it was supposed to do.
be concious!
oh, what an evil has taken over.
stop your echoes!
i'd stop denying,
cause i'm tired of pretending.

untitled

2004-08-23T22:20:00.000+07:00

I see pain in his eyes
but, I can't believe,
how perfect he can hid it,
with a flawless smile,
a joyous smile,
an i'm-hurt-but-it's-okay kind of smile.

but I know, you'll be okay.

untitled

2004-08-18T23:12:00.000+07:00

aku merasa sendiri.
apa dunia ini murka padaku?
kenapa sekitarku sepi?
semua hanya benda mati.

Devil's Eyes

2004-08-08T20:29:00.000+07:00

I looked at her
As her face showed an angry devil
My hands were wishing to get on her
But as I turned to look away

It's an angel I've been looking at..

Oh How could it be?

Too Late

2004-08-03T16:57:00.000+07:00

Ah, misery..

I never realized I could be so stupid
Why on earth, I would take for granted,
The thing anyone could only wish for?

Then why did I waste away,
The thing that I always dreamed of?

Ah, stupidity..

If only a blink could bring me back to the old times
I would cherish the moment with ease

If only I could do something to turn back the time,
Whatever I'll do

But,
Ah.. It's too late..

Kau Istimewa

2004-07-31T20:35:00.000+07:00

untuk A. Savitri

Kau tahu?

Menyenangkan, melihatmu

Tertawa, dibalik kepedihan yang kau simpan

Tersenyum, dibalik keputus-asaanmu

Mungkin hatimu menangis,

Aku tak dapat melihatnya

Namun tersirat di matamu

Janganlah sedih, kawan..

Andai aku dapat membantumu.

Namun aku hanya berdoa

Aku bangga akan ketabahanmu,

Kau hebat,

Kau tidaklah buruk,

Kau istimewa

Jangan takut kawan,

Gembiralah!!

Sesuatu yang indah menunggumu di sana

Itu pasti.

Karena kau Istimewa..

untitled

2004-07-31T01:55:00.000+07:00

I often sit and wonder
How was I?
Am I ever good enough
Is this the best I can get? The best I can do?

People look at me with half eyes open
Half, left closed
Feels like I didn't get much appreciation
They don't see me as I am
They want me to be the person they want me to be

But nobody can change who I am, now or tomorrow
I don't change for you
I change for nobody
I'll change if I want to be

Lagu Sahabat

2004-07-28T20:28:00.000+07:00

untuk A. Abianscar

Masih kuingat,
Aku melihat
Jari-jarinya lincah di atas tuts piano
Ia ragu awalnya,
Tapi aku tahu dia bisa

Jari-jarinya lincah di atas tuts piano,
Raga seperti tak sadar
Jiwa menyatu dalam melodi
Mengalunkan lagu kesenangannya

Kapan aku melihatmu lagi,
wahai sahabat?
Aku ingin mendengarmu,
Memainkan lagu indah itu

Namun bukan dalam mimpi..

Back Again

2004-07-14T21:26:00.000+07:00

it's a question,why
i kept on looking back
i kept on thinking twice
of what i had
sure it's clearly visible
that it's a different path we are going to
no matter how i try to follow you
my destiny led to different way
why it hasn't been enough for me
to stop looking back
and building wall of hopes?
a wall of bricks of shattered hopes?
i know, i know
i should not do
well, i just can't
but i'm still trying to

Total Unawareness

2004-06-22T19:36:00.000+07:00

i've shut my senses for so long
refuse to see all in front
look away from destiny
trust only itself who believes
hear the sound it only desire
how could me, myself, do that?
against all what's real
against all written destiny
so blind-deaf-egoistic me

Where?

2004-06-11T19:30:00.000+07:00

I need you to save me
take me to freedom from this aching love
free me from this damaged thoughts
lift me to be new

but where's you?

A Savior For You

2004-06-08T17:02:00.000+07:00

here I am
left behind
all alone
down the old road

there you are
walking out
y'don't look back
no, you won't

what did I do wrong?
what had I done?
that make you go away
what did I say wrong?
why did you leave?
why did you hate?

fouls are made
on and on
all I ask's
are they forgiven?

help me to change
to a better me
to disharm you
to save you

The Past

2004-06-05T14:09:00.000+07:00

my past
only memories
left
behind all doors
closed
within all chamber
kept
yet not forgotten

the past
as a path I had walked through;
kept within all times.
as book I had read;
a permanent beauty that had been written.

My Will Against My Stregth

2004-05-18T22:43:00.000+07:00

Dia, lelaki itu, bukan siapa-siapa-ku.
Dia bukan milikku. Dia teman.
Aku sayang padanya, memang.
Namun aku tak berhak
melarangnya untuk mecintai gadis itu.
Gadis yang telah menjadi damba hatinya.
Kupikir, "Siapa aku?"
Aku tak mempunyai kendali atas dirinya;
Hidupnya;
Perasaannya;
Ataupun, cintanya.
Aku sadar akan kemampuanku.
Aku bukan tuhannya.
Hanya Dia yang kuasa.
Asaku hanya 'kan terwujud, dari tangan-Nya.

You

2004-05-13T22:39:00.000+07:00

You are sunshine in my day
Light it up and smile away
You're the air that I've breathe
In and out of everyday

Why do you come into my life
If you're gonna make me dying?
Why do you come into my life
If you're ginna make me fall apart?

If you love me so, why don't you tell me
Just say it, I'll hear you
That's why I'm waiting
But, if you never did, why don't you leave me
You've broken me badly
I just can't get you off of my head

Terima Kasih

2004-04-15T18:10:00.000+07:00

Pergilah dirimu, sekehendakmu.
Rengkuhlah cinta mu, seturut asa mu.
Cukup kuungkapkan serangkai kata.
Terima kasih.
Atas waktu yang telah kau luangkan.
Meski kau tak menyadarinya.
Sekejap waktumu, berarti untukku.
Terima kasih.
Hati ini telah belajar mengasihi.
Telah belajar bersabar.
Dan menghargai sesosok insan dalam hidup ini.
Andai saja dirimu dapat membaca.
Goresan tangan dan ungkapan ini.
Tak ada lagi.
Selain terima kasih.

untitled

2004-04-15T18:09:00.000+07:00

Tak jarang diri ini bertanya
Kepada hati ini dan kepada dunia
Salahkah diri ini memiliki perasaan pada dirinya?
Salahkah bila hati in memilih dirinya?
Bukan diri ini yang menghendaki kehadirannya
Namun ia datang di kala kekosongan melanda jiwa
Mengisi kekosongan yang tersisa
Dan akhirnya mengusik jiwa
Kupikir, inilah dunia nyata
Namun, mengapa begitu menyiksa?
Inikah indahnya cinta?

Yet, You're Still Here

2004-04-04T18:08:00.000+07:00

Just now
I see you as nothing
Someone I wouldn't see
I wouldn't want to know

But yet, you're still there
Not waiting for anything
Not waiting for something

Can you give me a reason
A reason to forgive you?
Even still
You don't need a reason
To be forgiven

This mind couldn't bare
To hate you..
To look at you as stranger
You're no stranger

You never were

My Fear

2004-03-10T19:07:00.000+07:00

why am I afraid
of losing you.
you're never mine.
I'm never yours.
how can I be so afraid
of losing something
that I NEVER had.
shouldn't I worry more
on losing something
that's mine.
I guess
because you are
so precious.
special.
the one that I love so much.
you are the only one
that could make me feel
like I do.
nobody does.
nobody could.
but I don't even know you.
I know you.
but not that better.
we just happen to be old friends.
bond again by time.
by you too.
why do you make me
feel this way, like I do now.
can't you see how I am.
how fragile I am.
I scream as hard as I could.
but it only echos in my heart.
whatever leaves fall down
this heart will still be broken.
please don't go.
just stay like you used to.
silently, I don't care.
let my heart hears what your heart says.
just don't go.
you are my only one

Alone

2004-03-07T19:05:00.000+07:00

days passed by
and now I'm sitting here
on a wreckage bench
remembering those days
back then
when things were all the same

now I'm all alone
you've gone but I'm still here
now it's not the same
you've gone, I'm waiting still

back then, Oh I remember
we were still together
laughing out together
everything's alright
nothing changed
it's all the same

now I'm all alone
you've gone but I'm still here
now it's not the same
you've gone, I'm waiting still

untitled

2004-02-14T19:04:00.000+07:00

dunia seperti berhenti berputar
jadi hampa
tetapi siapakah yang tertawa di sana
di ujung kelam sudut itu?
sepertinya bukan diriku
karena aku terjebak dalam bayang-bayang
bayang gelap tanda kedukaan

Tentangmu

2004-01-23T15:45:00.000+07:00

kau pergi disaat hati ini rindu
tapi kau kembali saat hati berpaling
hatiku bingung
rasa tak menentu

hanya kau yang mampu
membuatku tak dapat memilih
antara dua persimpangan
masa lalu dan masa kini

haruskah ku mengenang dan berharap
pada masa-masa dimana kita begitu tenteram?
ataukah ku harus kembali pada realita
dimana dunia kita jauh berbeda?

air mata mengering di pipi
mengingat dirimu
dan semua kenanganku tentangmu
yang membawaku ke nirwana

bantulah aku,
melupakanmu
karena ku tak dapat
melupakan dirimu
yang diam dalam hatiku

Hope For A Chance

2003-12-19T19:02:00.000+07:00

I wonder why,
why is my heart still attached
to the glory of your heart?
Isn't that the glory that makes me cry?
the one that hurts me much?
how can I be faithful to your love
even there's no love in return?
I waited here,
in this nowhere road
I waited for you
to give a chance for me
There's a question no one answers for me :
is there a chance for me,
having you inside of me?
nothing seems can answer my questions
nothing hears, when my heart wonders
how much this heart begging for love
just a love in return..